Warning! The following blog post is a rant and you may find it offensive.

I got out of bed on the wrong side today.  I had hung my trousers up to dry inside out, so they hung strangely and needed an emergency iron.  The top that I’d decided to wear hadn’t quite dried, and the replacement top required different underwear.  And to cap it all off, when I went downstairs I had to locate, by smell, the mouse that the cat had hidden three days ago.

So, frankly, today I am irritated by everything, and am going to vent all the little niggles of the last few weeks.  This may well offend you.  You may well choose to unfriend me on facebook, stop following me on twitter or unsubscribe from my blog.  You are welcome to do all of these things.  Or you could just stop reading now and save yourself the effort.


It was a tragedy.  Many things are.  Get over it.  Move on.

Update your status….I’m pretty sure I know who will

Good for you.  I, categorically, won’t.  Not because I don’t sympathise with you, but because I’m buttoned up and repressed.  Expressing feelings so openly makes my skin want to crawl across the room and emotional blackmail makes my hackles rise.

Sponsor me for doing this amazing challenge

I think that it’s admirable that you feel strongly enough about a cause to raise funds for it.  In my time, I have done sponsored events, and they haven’t been nearly as impressive.  But your choosing to do the challenge puts me under no moral obligation to donate to your cause, so lay off the guilt trips.

You can only control your own actions

If people don’t do what you want them to do, then let it go.  By all means explain to them why it is important to you and why them doing it would make you happy.  But if they then choose not to do it, then don’t get bitter.  Either learn to live without it, or do it yourself, or find another solution.  If you’ve led the horse to water and it isn’t drinking, then shouting at it is unlikely to improve the situation.

Pick your bl**dy feet up

Because if you drag them within hearing range of me, I may chop them off.

Use your indicators

Most cars have them.  Driving a monstrously large car makes you a monstrously large car driver, not an accomplished telepath.

Stop driving / cycling / skateboarding the wrong way down my one way street

Especially when I am driving up it.  I may run you over, and that would be bad.

Stop asking me how I am

I’m fine.  Just like I was the last 78 times you asked.

Thank you.  I feel better now.


About abradypus

A Bradypus or Sloth am I, I live a life of ease, contented not to do or die but idle as I please; ... [Michael Flanders and Donald Swann]
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18 Responses to Warning! The following blog post is a rant and you may find it offensive.

  1. shazruns says:

    Glad you feel better after that! With you on picking feet up something I am alwsys telling madam and I could rant for days about drivers I see everyday! Made mental note not to try and not irritate you, you sound scary when riled!

  2. Carl says:

    Some nice ranting there 😉

    “Pick your bl**dy feet up” is something I often want to say at work but it’s not quite right telling a 34 year old that is it?

  3. Travelling Hopefully says:

    Quality ranting! I hope tomorrow is better for you. Alternatively, if it’s not, I look forward to the next ranty chapter.

  4. Hoorah! Bravo! Excellent ranting. Quite accomplished. Has that one been building up?

  5. Giselle says:

    Fab ranting!! Love it.

  6. Rachel B says:

    Nothing like a good rant. Reading one works too!

  7. kieyeo says:

    Whilst you’re in a good mood, how about some sexist banter?
    Benefits of being a man #82 – Changing your top doesn’t require changing your underwear.

  8. jensruns2011 says:

    Sounds like a rotten start to a day 😦 Fab post, I too get equally annoyed by the last 4 you list 🙂

  9. fortnightflo says:

    Brilliant rant – glad you got all that out and am with you on so many of the points. I hope today is better.

  10. runtezza says:

    You go, girl!

    BTW, how are you? 🙂

  11. zoecakes says:

    Ah, you can’t beat a good rant! 🙂

    To go with the ‘pick your bl**dy feet up’, can we add ‘pull your bl**dy trousers up – I really don’t want to see what colour underpants you’re wearing’?

  12. plustenner says:

    brilliant! what we all want to say, but don’t 😉

  13. ewoodeson says:

    Awesome 🙂
    I am having to learn telepathy as apparently in Malaysia you don’t have to use indicators when you drive, or drive on the right side of the road, or the right way around roundabouts. Especially if you drive a scooter. It leads to bad swearing and lots of ranting.
    I do however also very much agree with all the other points on your list. Love a good rant.

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