I am not a runner

Not a real one, anyway.

Since January, I have run 39 parkruns at 38 different venues.  I have even (if you’ll excuse my tiny wee brag) snuck into 10th place on the table of doom.  I won’t stay there.  The competition is cut-throat.  *But for now, for one week only, I’m there.

I have also run my first 10km and two half marathons and I’ve joined not one, but two, running clubs.

I’d even begun to think of myself as a runner.  *But I’m not.  Not really.

*Because apparently, running is meant to be hard and painful and an exercise in mind over matter.  Running is about overcoming the pain, digging deep and shaving time off your pb.  Running is about blisters and chafing and grit.  About exhaustion and grim determination.

*And frankly, I’m not interested in any of that.  I want to be able to run a half marathon comfortably, not fast.  I am as happy pootling round a parkrun chatting as I am on the days I get a pb.

I won’t push myself so hard I feel sick, I’m perfectly happy running at a conversational pace, and if I have a niggle, I’ll stay in.

I do take my gps out on runs, because if my gps doesn’t record it, it doesn’t count, but I start it at the beginning, stop it at the end, and ignore it all the way round.  I want to listen to my body while I’m running, and I want to hear nothing worse from it than that it’s feeling some mild discomfort.

So, according to pretty much every book and every article I’ve ever read on running, I am not a runner.  Not a real one, anyway.

My personal theory is that the books and articles are written by masochistic idiots.

*But I’m almost certainly wrong.


*I like starting sentences with “and” and “but” and “because”.  So sue me.


About abradypus

A Bradypus or Sloth am I, I live a life of ease, contented not to do or die but idle as I please; ... [Michael Flanders and Donald Swann]
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19 Responses to I am not a runner

  1. Andy says:

    Well you are hard pushed most of the time to finish your sentences, in speech anyway, so you might as well start them half way through with an “and” when writing just to even things up!

  2. No you’re a parkrunner…
    No you’re a lady who blogs…
    No you’re someone who starts sentances with ‘and’, ‘but’ and ‘ because’ …
    No you’re just hooked on participating in races!

  3. Maggiee says:

    I think you may well have discovered a new definition of runner… And one I’m happy with… Because of this you should write a book… One with your new definition… But no mention of pain and PBs!

  4. ewoodeson says:

    I wanna be your kind of runner please. That sounds much better!

  5. jogblog says:

    You are a runner, so there. And I like starting sentences with ‘and’, ‘but’, ‘because’, etc. too.

  6. abradypus says:

    Thank you all. I’m glad my kind of running counts, because it’s mostly rather fun.

  7. runtezza says:

    There is something very impressive about being on that parkrun leaderboard free of an accompanying red or black splodge — well done #10 on creating a sense of effortless ease!

  8. zoecakes says:

    What a load of twaddle – not your blog but the ‘official’ definition of a runner. Your legs propel you forwards at a pace that’s faster than a walk, you enter races and you enjoy it, therefore I would say you are most definitely a runner. Why does it all need to be about pain and pushing yourself to the limit?!

  9. Love it!!

    I do make myself feel sick quite often and I do chase PBs but I still don’t think I’m a runner either.
    Maybe we should all start a Not Running club.

  10. plustenner says:

    your post reminded me of this poem someone sent me ages ago.. I love it!

    I am not a runner. But I like to run.
    I like to feel the squish of sand underfoot
    To feel the dawn wind
    To hear the birds
    To learn my strengths and weaknesses
    To be out there
    To switch off
    To go to another place
    To smell that summer has arrived
    To clear my mind
    To see the wood for the trees
    To stand outside myself for a bit
    To do something simple, dull and repetitive
    To give problems some perspective
    To enjoy the freedom
    To hear the quiet
    To feel tired and worn out
    To beat that part of me that wants to stop
    To feel that feeling I get afterwards
    Don’t call me a runner
    I just like to run

  11. shazruns says:

    Great poem that Alma has added I can identify with that and your blog. Don’t consider myself a runner just someone that runs!

  12. fortnightflo says:

    Woohoo on 10th. And can I just direct you to the post on about the 9th or 10th day of Janathon, where you said you did not have a gps/heart rate monitor as you didn’t care yet now you don’t run without it. I’d like too think I played a little part in that hehe! And I like starting sentenace with And, and So and Well and But…and its your blog, your life and your running so you can make it and define it however YOU want to. Whoop whoop!

  13. But you are clearly a runner.

  14. lazybetty says:

    When I used to surf and not very well, quite often I used to hear surfers say that the best surfer on the beach is the happiest one. Maybe you could apply this principle to your new definition of a runner? Congratulations on your 10th place.

  15. warriorwoman says:

    I see you are actively collecting parkruns, so I am now quite sure you would come and attend mine.

  16. Pingback: I’m-not-really-a-runner either kind of runner « dadoorunrun

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